New Men's Blog: Men Of The West

Vox Day announced Men of the West a couple weeks ago. I started following it right away. It's apparently written by some of his "Dread Ilk", or people who have been following and commenting on his blog for years.

This is a site for conservative/red pill/alt-right men, with a heavy Christian emphasis. One of the writers "Rabbi B", has also written at least one post with a lean toward Christianity.

A post today, Breaking The Dam, is a good one.

Have you noticed how unhappy America seems to be?   Have you noticed how, in spite of the fact that they have been given everything they asked for, women are more stressed and more unhappy than they have ever been in America?  Why? 

Because for generations people have been told that they want something that they really don’t want at all. 

That’s why so many professional women end up quitting their jobs as soon as they have their first baby.   And believe me…  it happens.  It happens a lot.  It happens so much that a local vet I know has stopped hiring female vets, because he has had so many quit after just few years of work.  The truth is, that if given the opportunity, most women would rather be staying at home raising their children and keeping the house than toiling over Power Point presentations in some God Forsaken cubicle.   But very few of them realize that is even a choice.  Through the education system, public shaming, and even in some cases converged churches, the left has eliminated that option for far too many women.   And it was done so deliberately. 

There is a giant dam of misinformation that is holding back the flood of Western values.

Check them out if this is the kind of writing you've been looking for.

An Economic Case For An Imaginary Relationship

Aaron Cleary examines "waifu" and crunches the numbers.

His conclusion? It can cost the average man up to $720,000 to find a wife. This isn't just drinks and dinner, but also the opportunity costs, time, and sanity.

Consider not just the various financial, time, labor, and opportunity costs associated with finding a quality real world girl.  Consider the lack of drama and the mental pain associated with having an "imaginary girlfriend."  Not only do you save yourself $700,000 in explicit and implicit costs, you also save yourself; 

Being stood up, Being shot down, Drama, Temper tantrums, Girls cheating on you, Girls leading you on, Bi-polar freaks, Feminism, Blue ball

and every other form of scourge and fire-laden hurdles you and every other man had to jump through during his teens and 20's.

Then, of course, calculate the lost time and opportunity if you find a wife and the marriage fails. Cleary doesn't have experience with that. I'm not as diligent as he is, but I can speak from experience how being stuck in a bad marriage and being forced into a divorce can set your ass back on your goals, health, and finances among many other things.

It is survivable, though. And I have mostly recovered.

I don't advise you to life your life strictly by the numbers. Many people see that "It can cost over $200,000 to raise a child" and decide not to have them. That's based on a lot of assumptions though, which are easy to work around and overcome. You don't have to buy a $600 crib and $40 onesies that MAY be worn once if the child doesn't outgrow that size before you get to it.

It's the same with wife hunting. When I dated, I usually made it a point for the first date to do something that doesn't cost money or is inexpensive. Meet at a park and take a walk, or meet for coffee (not expensive stuff like Starbucks). Some guys advise you not to pay for dinner until after she has put out. I typically wouldn't pay for a serious meal until the 3rd date or so.

I guess if I were in my early 20's today, waifu or sexbots would probably seem like an attractive option. I'd rather have an abundance mindset and game though. They'll get you farther in life.

NYT Bestseller Status Means Nothing

Mainstream authors make a huge deal out of being "New York Times Bestsellers". I don't know if this metric ever actually meant anything. It means nothing today. For one thing, NYT book reviewers are mainstream elites who are largely divorced from reality. At least, the reality most of us live. They don't reflect our values and preferences. It's been years since I've given any weight to "NYT Bestseller" status of a book or author.

All that aside, the NYT Bestseller list is far too easy to manipulate. I've seen plenty of authors do it. Whenever an author with a sizable social media platform releases a book, they work hard in advance to drum up pre-sales and get the word out so the day the book releases, the numbers are large enough to register. Many promise "bonuses" to pre-buy the book.

I found a video in Mark Dice's archives about how Mark Driscoll, megachurch pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, used $200,000 of his church money to buy copies of his own book to manipulate the NYT Bestseller list:


I had no interest in Mark Driscoll's book. I've read enough Churchian marriage books to break a horse's back if you dropped them on him all at once. Very few are any good at all. Most totally suck. I think "His Needs, Her Needs" was the most useful of all of them. At least it doesn't blame all marriage problems on the husband.

I listened to Mark Driscoll's sermon podcast for a few years, until I stopped. Partly, I'd heard pretty much everything he had to say. Partly also because in my own dissolving marriage, I was tired of him using his pulpit to bash men. All the problems in your marriage are your fault! If you were a better Churchian, your wife would love and respect you. Because women (especially churchian women) have no moral agency or accountability for their own actions. And pastors don't have the balls to hold women accountable. Most of them are run by their wives and the elders' wives. So bite it, Pastor Driscoll.

I'm not surprised by Pastor Driscoll's corruption. But then again, I don't put people on pedestals. I know that all men are as fallible as myself. We all need accountability to keep us from going off the rails.

I'm not sure what he did with the books. He probably used his congregation's money to buy his books to sell the books back to them in the church bookstore, so they could pay twice. Or to give them away to cronies, or burn them to heat his house. In any case, his parishioners lose.

I'm sure he'll give a tear laden repentance and be forgiven, if he hasn't already.

And the NYT Bestseller list is pretty much useless.

ROK: The Supreme Importance of Having A Den

Aaron Cleary (aka Capt. Capitalism) has a post up at Return of Kings about the importance of a man having a den or study.

He is absolutely correct.

Aaron also addressed the "man cave", a concept I believe he and I are similar in opinion to. I can't stand the concept of a man cave. I am not a primate. When people ask me if I have a man cave, I want to respond "No, because I'm not an idiot". I addressed the man cave in this post:

Whenever people ask me if I have a "man cave", I try to figure out the most polite way to say "No, because I'm not a flipping retard. Do you have a man cave? Should I talk slower? Should I just point and grunt? It's very nice of your wife to be so gracious and give you a shelf in your own house to put your football on. How kind of her."

A study is sacred, and I miss mine. In my house, I had a room upstairs that functioned as my study. I had a Cape Cod style house with a finished, dormered attic. My walls sloped down, but that was MY space. I kept my computer desk and equipment and all my books up there. I had a recliner I could sit in to read. I had a work light so I could do soldering and take computers apart or fix my children's broken toys. I miss it.

In the basement I was renting in my geo-bachelor days, I had a part set up as a study. I currently share a two bedroom apartment with my new wife and stepson, so all I have is part of a table in what shows up on the floorplan as the "dining room". But I make it work.

Like Aaron says, a study (or den) is a sacred place where a man can go to think, work, and do great things. My ideal study has dark wood (probably cherry oak) furniture, lots of bookshelves, a computer desk and a table where I can spread out books or other projects I'm working on. A nice chair to sit in while I read.

I will have it someday.

Spreadsheet Sex Guy And Frigidity

A month or two ago, a story broke in the "manosphere" about a guy who created a spreadsheet to track a month worth of trying to initiate sex with his wife and her refusals. They apparently did it 3 times within the month, but for the rest of the time, she refused for various reasons such as "I need a shower", which he reports she didn't take until morning. Also, needing to watch a rerun of some vapid sitcom. I think it was Friends.

She took off on a 10 day business trip. He emailed the spreadsheet to her work account, then went radio silent. I don't think anybody knows how it worked out in the end. She posted the spreadsheet to Reddit, didn't get the exact pity she may have been looking for, and pulled it. But it was too late.

That brought back a lot of memories for me. It also gave me a bit of a struggle. As a Christian, I probably shouldn't advocate divorce, but in our current culture, and after what I went through, I'm very tempted to say that men should freely and unapologetically divorce frigid and nagging women. No man should ever have to put up with that shit, and that kind of woman probably deserves to be divorced.

We get a lot of mixed messages in this meme. Both Churchianity and game tell you if your wife is nagging and frigid, it's your fault. If you were either a better Christian man or better at game, you wouldn't have this problem.

This of course seems to remove a woman's moral agency.

But doesn't she make her own choices? Doesn't she have responsibility for her own actions?

She made a marriage commitment. That commitment wasn't "I take you to blah blah blah until you start being a beta or I judge you to not be worthy." But in this paradigm, she's simply a bit player with no ability other than to react to her perception of your worth. She has no responsibility to her commitment (which I speculated women have trouble with).

I doubt any woman starts out in life planning "I'm going to reel some guy in, then turn into an ungrateful, unforgiving, cold hearted, nagging, cheating, frigid bitch!" But sadly, many do. And the claim that they can't help it because you're a beta or not a good Churchian husband only makes me think they shouldn't be allowed to make decisions, either for marriage or divorce. If they're so blown by those winds, maybe they should have an appointed guardian to make their decisions.

Let's break things down. Too many people, especially women, think that marriage is about love. But the feeling they ascribe to love is really infatuation. Once they infatuation goes away, they think they don't feel love anymore. And so, it's time to end the marriage.

Marriage isn't really about love though. At its heart, marriage is a contract.

Why would you enter into a contract with somebody who is incapable of fulfilling it? If you need work done on your house, would you hire a contractor who would stop showing up and stop doing the job because he perceived you to not be good at understanding the project? He just takes the money and leaves because he thinks you're not good at game, and the courts are OK with this?

Hopefully not.

So the lesson is, avoid women who can't fulfill the marriage contract. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make in life, and if it goes wrong, it can have disastrous consequences. It can hinder your economic viability. Believe me; I'm living this.

Also, sex is part of that contract, even if only implied. What man, in his right mind, is going to enter into a marriage contract to not have sex? I suppose it's not a right mind thing though. It's not like women come with a warning on their foreheads that says "I'm sweet and like you now, but within 5 years I'm going to turn into a cold hearted, ungrateful, nagging, cheating, frigid bitch because you ain't got game."

Dalrock: Commitment Issues

Dalrock put up a new post about commitment issues. He analyzes some of the popular forms of women's entertainment and claims about how "sometimes you just feel like blowing up your marriage."

This kind of obsession in all forms of women’s entertainment is now so common that no one notices it.  Our denial is so strong that we overlook what the divorce data makes abundantly clear.  Women (in general) have serious issues with commitment, to a far greater degree than men (in general) do.  Were we to acknowledge this we could save millions of children the pain of growing up with their fathers expelled from the home.  Sooner or later we are bound to adjust the narrative to reflect reality.  The sooner we do so the better for all involved.  It isn’t just men and children who suffer because this pathology is openly encouraged in our culture, but women themselves.  Nurturing these obsessive and destructive fantasies is no more healthy or empowering for a woman than a flask of bourbon is to an alcoholic.

His post reflects something I wrote a year ago, where I speculated that the claim "men won't commit" is psychological projection on the part of women, who initiate the majority of divorces and broken families.

And I should add, during the final year or two of my former bad marriage, I saw the book "Eat, Pray, Love" in the house.

Children, Mothers, and Choices

We hear a lot about the epidemic of single mothers and fatherless children in Western society. If you want to get truly terrified for these children, watch some of the ways their mothers interact with them.

For instance, watch a mother give her child a choice. I've seen this play out many times, including with the mother of my children.

The following scenario could be either an ice cream flavor or a PS3 game. Doesn't matter. It always follows the same script:

Mother: You get to choose! Do you want this one, or that one?
Child: I want that one!
Mother: Are you sure? You don't want this one?
Child: No, I want that one.
Mother: But don't you think you should get this one?
Child: No, I want that one.
Mother: I think you should get this one. Why don't you just get this one?

At this point, I want to (and have on a few occasions), butted in:

Me: Holy crap, woman! You gave him a choice. Let him make it. If you already have your mind made up, just get him what you want him to have and stop playing this stupid game! How do you expect him to grow up to make his own decisions when you won't let him?

I'm not sure why they do this. I know some (perhaps many) women are control freaks. The kindest explanation I can think of it maybe she knows (or thinks she knows) what's best for her child. I've mostly seen this with boys. I don't know if women do the same thing with little girls.

Still, when you give a choice, just let the child make the choice.

My response to that same scenario is:

Me: Which one do you want?
Child: That one.
Me: OK.

Later:
Child: I don't like this. I should have gotten the other one.
Me: Well, you made a choice. You have to live with it.

On another subject, some children tend to treat every choice as a life altering decision. Yesterday, after work, I drove from Arlington, VA to south New Jersey to get my boys for a few days. I got home late. I drove slightly longer than my workday. But it's the only way to spend time with them.

On the way back through Maryland, we all started to get thirsty. (I was kind of dumb thinking I could make an 8+ hour drive starting out in over 100 degree temperatures with nothing to drink in the car). So I got off the highway to find a gas station. My oldest, Joshua, was taking a long time. He kept bouncing back and forth between the sodas and juices. I finally told him "Just get something, Joshua. It's not a life-altering decision. You're not going to look back in 30 years and say 'I got the wrong drink at Exxon, and it ruined my life'". They laughed. Then I gave him 10 seconds to either choose a drink or go without. That worked.

10 Ways A Woman Can Destroy A Man

I don't think this is intended as a "how to" guide. It could certainly function as one.

I've lived through this entire list. I'm glad that part of my life is over. And I'll never put up with it again.

Pity And Single Mothers

Lately I've been watching Undercover Boss on Netflix. It's an interesting show.  It's highly formulaic though. Like Ghost Hunters, only the people and backgrounds change from episode to episode.

It starts with some scenes and commentary from "The Boss" about the company, his or her background, and why he or her wants to go undercover. Then a locker room scene with before and after shots of the transformation from Boss to worker. Then the boss goes undercover.

I've only seen one or two episodes where the boss can actually handle the front line jobs he's there to do. The Subway Boss couldn't even put a sub together after hours of instruction.

But as the scene goes on, the boss starts talking to the worker, asking about background, family, hopes and dreams. The boss finds out the struggles many people have with not being able to make ends meet, sick family members, etc. During the reveal, the boss hands out various gifts like promotions, vacations, charity donations, etc. to the struggling workers who touched his or her heart.

The one thing I am constitutionally incapable of is feeling automatic pity for a single mother. That is, until I know the reasons. There are a variety of reasons a woman could become a single mother, and at least one of them can be summed up as "That's your own damn fault".

I have known many reasons why a woman became a single mother through no real fault of her own. I've also seen and lived through the other side of the coin, where a homewrecker has a reliable provider yet says "GTFO" and seeks a life of near poverty to be rid of the guy.

It's kind of like how you can have pity on somebody who was hit by a drunk driver, but you can't have pity on the drunk driver because he did it to himself.

So when I hear about some "poor, single mother" I wait until I hear some facts surrounding the situation before I decide whether she's worth feeling sorry for or not. But I always feel sorry for the children.

Some people always feel sorry for single mothers. I don't. It is mathematically impossible for all of them to be beyond reproach for making poor decisions.

A Dad's Job

This will actually be a decent Father's Day for me.

My ex-wife offered to let me take my boys for the weekend. I took Thursday and Friday off and drove up to Jersey to get them. I brought them back Thursday afternoon. It's about a 3 1/2 to 4 hour drive one way. I have to take them back this afternoon.

So I got to spend the weekend with them. I took them to see where I work (and how long I have to spend stuck in traffic to get there and back) and went to the National Museum of the Marine Corps. I also rented them a game from Redbox (I'll never rent another single-player game again).

We also did some talking and fighting. I played the highest- stakes game of Monopoly of my entire life with Caleb. I bought a Monopoly app for my iPad. I like it better having the computer keep track of everything.

Nagging Can Be Deadly

Vox Day linked to a Danish study that shows nagging can shorten a man's life considerably.

After 12 years of marriage to a cold hearted, nagging, contemptuous woman, I have to wonder how many years of my life are gone. Besides the original 12.

Some "game" bloggers, who have obviously never been married, say it's best to avoid marrying a woman like this. One who is prone to "frivorce" (Frivolous Divorce).

The problem is, they don't come with a label on their foreheads stating "within two years or marriage, I'm going to decide I don't like you, start withholding sex and affection, nag and criticize you, then dump you and use the power of the state to take a large portion of your paycheck along with your children."

Sure would be easier if they did.

My New Hero

From a comment left on a CH post:

You burn it down and start over. In all likelihood most of what you built was with her/family in mind in the first place. Not yourself and it doesn’t matter. It’s purely a materialistic mindset you are processing with. Take out all of the emotion and a divorce turns into a business transaction. As it should be.

I nuked a 25 year marriage, I filed and no it’s not easy. I consider myself the luckiest man in the world. I did what most men cannot and that is I walked away from a long term marriage without the burden of alimony and child support payments. I took on ALL debt from the marriage. I surmise it cost me around $245,000 in credit card balances, re-mortgage and division of the home equity (she got a check for $65,000 out of that, stung like a bitch) and some 401k stash plus a few silver and gold bars.

That was 5 years ago. Directly after the divorce was final, I filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy and stopped paying the mortgage on the house and continued to live there for the next 4 years for free. I am untouchable and debt free at 51 with a stash of cash you wouldn’t believe.

It can be done and you will survive – Fuck’em all

 CH provides the following commentary:

Sever all emotional ballast. Take on all debt. File for divorce. Then file for bankruptcy. Start over a new man. That’s living the new American Dream.

The more men that do this, the closer this bernankefied debt scheme comes to total collapse. If single momhood, sluts, and gross obesity can be free from shame, then so can bankruptcy. Shamelessness is the lube that greases the asshole of a civilization about to get rammed into obliteration.

 That is awesome. Wish I'd had this information a year ago, when my ex wife started the divorce process. When the deck is stacked against you, the only way to win the game is to not play.

Having A Bad Time? Remember Who The Real Enemy Is

In Hunger Games Catching Fire, Katniss is reminded at least twice to "remember who the real enemy is". One of those times, she was reminded by somebody she was about to kill.

This advice doesn't just apply to a fictional character living in a dystopian future. I say it's great advice for daily living.

I wasn't as good at compartmentalization as I am now. In 2001, I entered into what I now believe to have been a dysfunctional marriage, which miraculously lasted until it was officially dissolved in November 2013. Looking back, it was over a long time before that. I guess I just didn't realize it. Or I'd seen Fireproof too many times...

I'm not planning to pick on my ex. But since this is experiential, it makes an example. My ex wife and I fought constantly. And we never resolved anything. That's all I'll say on the matter, besides choose your mate wisely.

Early in the marriage, when we had a fight, I'd go into work still pissed off. In fact, one day about 6 months into the marriage, I walked into work, slammed my bag down, and asked the two guys I worked with "Has your wife ever pissed you off so bad, you were still pissed off the next morning?" Since both of them had been married 30 years or more, I had to do all the work that day because they couldn't stop laughing. For an 8 hour shift.

But at that point, I couldn't compartmentalize my feelings. I'd have a fight with my wife, (ex now), and would inadvertently take it out on somebody else, usually at work.

I eventually learned to stop doing that. but some marital problems would bleed over into my performance.

Then of course, there were the eventual financial problems, health insurance problems, and other problems that pop up in the daily course of life.

I finally learned to compartmentalize, so if I was having an issue with something, it wouldn't bleed over into other parts of my life. Last year, when I was going through the divorce, I did not let it affect my performance or interactions at work, or with anybody else.

I learned the lesson: remember who the real enemy is.

I know a lot of people who have been through divorces. I asked a while back if it was contagious. Seems like it's easier to list the people I know who haven't been divorced than the people who have.

I have some friends who are going through similar experiences. I can tell they're hurting. I can tell they're cranky, and want to lash out.

If you fit that description, like Katniss, remember who the real enemy is. Don't take it out on the rest of us. That's the advice I tried to follow through my own divorce.

Divorce Corp (Trailer)

A commenter left a link to this trailer.


I've been hearing a lot about Divorce Corp lately. I'll definitely watch it when it hits Netflix or Amazon (I hate theaters).

I've seen divorce cause a lot of pain. My own was an uncontested, pro se divorce that still ran about $20,000 in fees to a divorce mediator and took months (from May to November) to complete. And some of the work was done on courtesy because I ran out of money and credit and could not pay any more. And no wonder it was so much. I have a 90 page divorce agreement written in Lawyer. Three pages of this freaking thing are about how he encouraged us to seek other counsel. With what money? Lawyers are great at spending other people's money. There were three drafts of the agreement.

A friend of mine was being chased by a creditor over a cosigned debt from my friend's marriage. For some reason, the company decided to go after my friend instead of my friend's ex, or the two together. My friend went to court. My friend's lawyer said "That's OK. Just pay it and you can sue your ex later". With what? I don't think lawyers (or doctors) live in the real world. They must assume everybody has the same lawyer and doctor friends they do and it doesn't cost a fortune to use them.

Yes, I know there are good lawyers out there. I've had the privilege of working with one, and I'm really happy with the results (and a flat fee).

I saw a friend of mine in the Navy get raked over the coals in a divorce. The judge sat on his divorce for 4 months, then backdated it. The Navy said "Oh, we've been paying you all this Allowance for Housing and extra pay for your family and you've been divorced all this time. We're going to have to take it all back." And they did. For several months, he didn't get a paycheck. He got what they called "Health and Comfort Pay", which was about $50 a month to buy soap and shaving cream. Poor guy had to sell plasma to buy smokes and gas for his car.

Then when he retired, he had remarried and had documentation that his ex wasn't taking care of his children right. He tried to sue for custody. The judge tripled his child support instead, to a level that was more than he was making. Last I heard of him, he got thrown in jail for contempt of court because he couldn't pay $2700 a month in child support.

This entire industry needs to go down.

My mind came up with a rather strange conspiracy theory on "gay marriage". I think the Divorce Industrial Complex can't wait to get its hands on the money from "gay divorce".

I said in my last post that it should be as easy to get a divorce as it is a marriage license. If we're going to have no fault divorce where any party can walk away at any time for any reason, then it should be that easy. Just download a template online and file it with the municipal clerk with a $35 fee. Bam, you're divorced. And you have money to start your new life.

To Raise Children With Santa Claus Or Not

I come from a different side of this discussion than many of you. My mother decided to raise me right off the bat with "Santa is pretend". So I grew up still playing the games, watching the Christmas movies, listening to the stories, watching Santa being tracked on a ballistic missile RADAR on AFRTS (A-farts) and so on. I still sat on Santa's lap and gave him my wishlist, and still got presents labeled "From: Santa" on them.

Being raised this way from the start led to a few challenges. One year, I think I was about 5, my dad took me to work. My dad was a Combat Arms Instructor in the Air Force. His supervisor at the time was a Master Sergeant (title only; this asshat was a master of nothing but losing at life). This guy asked me some question or other about Santa, to which I replied something like "Santa is pretend". Next thing you know, this guy goes all Gunnery Sergeant Hartman on me, basically demanding that I sound off that Santa is real. I refused. I was in tears. I had no idea what I did to make this asshole scream at me, but I wasn't going to back down.

My dad told me later in life he was proud of me for standing my ground. I told him I wasn't proud of him for standing there and letting me take it on my own. I think one of the other guys in the shop intervened instead. Were it my children, military supervisor or not, I would have told the small minded asshole to back down and leave my children alone and I would have assumed a fighting pose if that's what it took.

As far as I remember, I did have all the same fun as everybody else with the concept of Santa. The only difference is, I never had to go through the disillusionment of being told he's not real. I've had people tell me they figured it out long before their parents had the talk with them, but had to fake it for a couple of years. That doesn't sound like fun to me. It seems twisted.

Some people say the look on children's faces is why they have to perpetuate this. But look at all the factors of Christmas from a child's eyes: being woken up, led to the living room, seeing the tree all lit up with tons of presents under it, hot chocolate, special breakfast, etc. If the whole Santa thing were missing, would it change the child's wonder on Christmas morning? I don't think so.

I tried to raise my children the same way, which pissed my ex wife off. As far as I know, she complied.

If I end up having more children, I'll still try to do the same thing.

I don't see the whole Santa myth as that big a deal. I'm fine with it being there, but I don't see the need to elevate it for children to the status of a religion you're just going to have to crush later. That seems cruel to me.

On The Topic of Single Mothers- Just Do What Works For You

I've sworn off commenting on Dalrock's blog. Not so much because of the quality of his writing, but because of his commenters. I left a comment of about 3 short paragraphs and two people somehow got the idea they know everything about me and exactly what I need to do. Right. One guy said I'm "blue pill" and need to spend more time reading the manosphere.

Dalrock recently wrote a post responding to something Aaron Cleary said, and asking "Is there a shortage of single fathers?" Cleary found an eHarmony article about 15 reasons to date a single mom. I read the article. It's not worth any of our time. It's full of irrelevant details and assumptions that do not apply. One said something about "she's fiercely loyal". Right. To me, it depends on who initiated the divorce and why.

When I first heard that Aaron Cleary commented on that eHarmony article, my first though is this is like Pat Robertson. Nobody pays attention to Pat Robertson until he says something off the wall. Then everybody is up in arms because he gave them something for their Two Minutes Hate. Then they all calm down and forget about it. I doubt most of us in the "manosphere" (that word is ghey; we need a new one) pay any attention at all to eHarmony until they give us some Two Minutes Hate to get worked up over and forget about.

There is a lot of stuff in the manoshere (seriously, that is ghey) responding to feminists. This includes topics like "man up and marry those sluts!".

This isn't a binary issue. There is no "either everybody dates single mothers or nobody dates single mothers". Everybody has a different story. There are some single mothers out there like my ex wife who refused to make things work and wanted out. Nothing could talk her out of it. There are other single mothers out there with the reverse story: they tried everything to make it work but their husbands refused.

Since I left a comment on Dalrock's post, I got emails every time new comments appears. Our good friend Mark Minter was mentioned in a comment, and showed up to defend himself. I think he got a little too defensive. He's a man in his 50's who apparently became an idol in the manosphere for anti-marriage writing who turned around and married a single mom, which destroyed his idolhood in the eyes of people who take the writings of people they've never met too seriously.

Dalrock's genius level commenters accused Mark Minter of enabling his wife's divorce. Right. As if the divorce would have reversed itself had Minter not entered the picture. This would be like if I got married again and people accuse my new wife of enabling my divorce. No. Nothing would have brought my ex-wife back. It took me a while, but I accepted the divorce, and realized I'm not free of all the dysfunction in that marriage.

My answer to the single mom issue is to do what works FOR YOU. Not for Mark Minter, Aaron Cleary, or anybody else. For you. If you stumble across a single mom who happens to be a quality woman and a good fit for you, then go for it. If not, then it's seriously no sweat off your balls. Life is too short. Don't spend any time worrying about the things other people do.

History is full of mixed families. This is nothing new. In a perfect world, there would be no divorce. There would be no bad decisions. But we don't live in that world.

Dalrock's Call To The Kendrick Brothers

Dalrock has a new post up claiming to have found the sequel to Fireproof. My rewritten summary of Fireproof is here.

Dalrock links to another blog post, but does a good enough job summarizing and commenting on it, I'll provide you the link for reference.

Rather than rehash Dalrock's post, I'll just add my comments.

Empowered Single Mom Works Hard To Be The Woman She Would Want To Date

No, that's not exactly what it says. It's how I read it.

I figure there are two ways to respond to the world. You can either get upset and spend your life pissed off that the world doesn't operate the way you think it should.

Or you can figure out how the world really works, and learn to interact with it and manipulate it on its own terms.

So like a lot of women, this one has children, has a "great career", and wonders why no man wants to date her for long.

Let me attempt my answer, because it's the same reason I could never get a date and settled for my ex-wife:

People don't want to date a specification..

They want to date a compatible personality. Preferably one with an attractive body attached.

So to all the ladies out there, since my divorce is almost final (she told me I was free to date again back in May, but I haven't been), here are my two cents:

I don't care if you have a great career. I don't care if you have a good job, own a house, have children, etc. None of that bullshit is on my "what I'm looking for in a woman" checklist.

Are you sweet? Are you kind? Do you smile? Can you cook? Do you like at least a few of the things I do? Do you like to read? Can we sit and talk about philosophy once in a while? Obviously, do you enjoy sex? Are you a not pain in the ass about it? Can we joke around? Do you need me? Do you enjoy being close? Do you like wine and cheese? Do you like beer? Do you like to ride on a motorcycle? Have you ever been SCUBA diving? Would you go with me? Will you get along with my friends? Are you usually pleasant? Are you easy going? I know you get periods, but does it turn you into a demon? Do you have at least a little emotional maturity or do we have to play stupid passive-aggressive games every time you "feel" upset?

Those are the kind of questions I ask. Believe me, if you have more yes answers to those questions (I know, at least two should be no answers), I don't care about your career. It's not a big deal. I've already got one.

And yes, most men, if they want children, would prefer their own children. But if you're sweet and kind to us, we might be more open to those you already have. But, you have to be willing to put us on a higher priority. I can't tell you how many women's dating profiles I've read that say "You'll never be more important than my children!" I just click past. And if a profile says "You'll never be more important than my dogs!" I laugh and click past. Because I truly pity you. Some dog ladies seem to be far worse than crazy cat ladies. I think cats got the short end of the stick on that one.

And as for women with "great careers", look at it from our point of view. We already have jobs. We already have bad days at jobs. We don't want to come home from a bad day at our job, listen to you complain about the bad day you had at your job, and refuse any of our advice to fix it.

I don't know why women are so brainwashed to think working in a corporate cubicle environment is such a great thing. It sucks. Most men, if we didn't have families to support, would not work in those environments. But women think it's such a great thing "Oh, I'm such a modern girl! I work for an oversized-soul crushing mega corporation or government agency, in a cubicle, doing work that mostly amounts to moving a pile of sand around to different spots each day! Yea! Look at me, the pinnacle of female power!"

Enjoy your dogs. And enjoy the decline.

Divorce Bank

This guy says it better than I could, and he's drunk. Remember the acronym AYS (All Your Shit).

YouTube: Wife Filmed Throwing A Tantrum

I've seen this video pop up in a few places.


Some random thoughts and comments:

If my ex-wife or I had filmed each other, neither of us would come out in a good light. I'm kind of glad it didn't happen.

It's a bad thing when people form an opinion of another person based only on second or third hand information. He tells her something about how she can go ahead and start texting her friends and complain about how awful he is. At the end of the video, she says something about what all the people at her work will say. He says something about wait until they see the video.

I can sympathize with both of them. Through the struggles of my failed 12 year marriage, I've always been highly conscious of the need to render, as accurately as I can, my struggles with my ex-wife. I didn't want people to see me as a saint and her as a failure. We were both failures. I know she has friends who hate me, but have never met me. I have one friend who is mad at her for what she's done to me over the years, but he is the only one I consider having earned the right. He is my best friend; over 18 years going back to my Navy days. He's seen the struggles I've been through and what I've done to try to make the marriage work. He has earned the right to be mad at her because he knows me best; he knows when to call bullshit on me. Her friends, who hate me but have never met me, I don't believe have earned it. But I don't want nor need their approval anyway, so they can hate me. It means nothing to me.

I don't know anything about this husband and temper-tantrum wife outside of this 3 minute video. I think it's designed to show her in a bad light, which she plays into well. I don't know anything about him and the way he treats her, other than she acts like a spoiled child in this video and he seems to act rationally, up to telling her that her coworkers might change their minds when they see this video.

We're entering into a different age; the age in which anything you do or say can be caught on camera by somebody. Mark Dice has done a lot of videos about Google Glasses, and how you never know who will be watching and recording you. He calls for engineers to create Google Glass blockers; devices that render the recording capabilities of those things inoperative in your presence.

The scary thing is, say you're out with friends. Say you're just letting off some steam being sarcastic about work. Somebody records it, and shows the video to your boss. Now you're fired. Or at the least, in a lot of trouble.

Ever heard of the Panopticon? It's a prison in which the prisoners believe they're being watched constantly, but can't see the watchers. They also watch each other. That's what our society is becoming.

Back to the video, I question why she can't go to the lake herself. A friend said she has a breathalyzer installed in her car as a result of a DUI. I don't plan to watch it again to verify that. I know from my own failed marriage, there were many things I wanted to do but felt I needed her agreement or compliance, and I got frustrated because I couldn't get them from her. Looking back, I should have just done what I wanted to do. Playing by her rules got me nowhere. If I end up in another relationship, I will not repeat that mistake. I have learned to value action over feeling.

UPDATE: Found an article about this: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/07/22/man-uploads-wifes-explosive-temper-tantrum-on-youtube-one-of-them-has-reportedly-moved-out-and-filed-a-restraining-order/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=story&utm_campaign=Share+Buttons

Further, Jim reportedly later clarified about the circumstances surrounding the tantrum and whether he promised to take her to the lake previously.

“Didn’t promise anything at all. In fact, I had worked 60 hours that week and told her all week that [S]aturday was my day to get stuff done around the house,” he wrote. “But as usual she threw a fit about it. She has broken doors off the jambs at our house…That was the last day I lived in our house. I have moved out and filed a restraining order against her.”

Jim also said he realized his marriage was truly over when his wife defriended him on Facebook.

Defriended on Facebook? My ex-wife (soon to be, at this point, July 2013) hasn't allowed me to connect on Facebook since 2009, when my account started sending her nasty messages saying "Our marriage is over!". I'm now convinced, after talking to people with expertise in Cybersecurity, that she was doing it to herself to make me look bad. After all, what reason did I have at the time to lock my own computer in my own home when I thought I could trust my wife, and her parents and sister who lived with us (long story)?

If she refused to connect with me on Facebook for 4 years, I'm now wondering what the hell was on her account that she didn't want me to see.

I sympathize with "Jim" far more than I did when I originally started drafting this blog post.