I originally posted this on 10/05/08. I took a look at it recently, and was horrified. I kept rambling on. I archived the original and rewrote it so people may actually read it. I tried to keep my original thoughts, so you don't think I took them from Dalrock, who came to many of the conclusions I did and analyzed it better.
In September 2008, I was invited to a pre-screening of a movie called Fireproof by the Fellowship of Christian Firefighters. For those in evangelical churches, Fireproof quickly became a phenomenon. The church we were going to had showings of it, and we had Fireproof small groups (I led one for a while- I'm a trained small group leader).
Fireproof opens with a camera panning through what appears to be a little girls's room. No character's are shown, but the dialogue and the paraphernalia indicate that this girl is a firefighter's daughter. They discuss when daddy is coming home, and not tonight because he's working. She says that she wants to marry daddy, and the familiar discussion ensues. I can't say I saw that scene directly connected to the story again. I assumed that Kirk Cameron's character's wife was that little girl, but no mention of her dad having been a firefighter is brought up. Some people say it's their daughter at a point after the end of the movie.
A scene early on shows Kirk Cameron's character, Caleb Holt and his wife Catherine arguing. I wouldn't be surprised if the writers sat outside my window writing down notes because my ex-wife and I have traded many variations on those arguments. Catherine alludes to him looking at pornography on the Internet. He says that she doesn't respect him. A line I've used often is said by Caleb "I get respect everywhere I go except at home." I know that feeling well enough. Things reach a breaking point and divorce is brought up and agreed to.
The rest of the movie deals with the two characters and their interactions with others in their lives. The content is pretty much evangelical. Kirk Cameron is an evangelist with Living Waters Ministries. They teach an evangelism method called "The Way of the Master," which deals with showing a person how he or she stands before God by using the Ten Commandments. The dialog uses this method. Churchians eat it up, I guess because they never get past what the Apostle Paul calls "milk". They just keep listening to the basic Gospel over and over and over again, never growing.
The essence of this movie is about marriage. I must admit, most of the situations and characters seemed real. It also showed the difficulty of making a marriage work without serving (a Churchianity buzzword). I used to say at least one of the two MUST fight to make things work, but my own divorce proves that false. I fought for years to make it work and she fought against it working.
A comment another firefighter made to Caleb is "Fireproof doesn't mean that fire won't come. It just means that when it does come, you can withstand it." That is obviously where the title came from.
This movie obviously had no sexual innuendo or profanity. I didn't miss it. I'm no prude, but I'm tired of movies and sitcoms that throw that stuff in just to have it there. If it serves a point, fine, but just because it's on a major network at prime time doesn't mean it adds anything useful to the show.
Although I originally thought I identified with the main character, Caleb, and his situations, I had the thought while driving home after seeing it and arguing with my wife that perhaps this movie was too much centered on the husband’s faults and failures. It was alluded to that his wife didn't respect him and nagged him and didn't have sex with him, but it seemed to center more on his failures than hers. Perhaps it’s my own desires in play here, and from my own experience and comparing notes with other men, wives seem impervious to any suggestion that they may have done something wrong to contribute to marital problems anyway, so the portrayal in Fireproof could be accurate. Also, from the Churchian perspective, it shows that when Christ begins working through one person, that can have an effect on the other person.
The solution come through Caleb’s dad, who sends him a “40 day journey” called “The Love Dare.” Each day for 40 days involved a brief reading and an assignment, ranging from “Don’t say anything negative to your partner no matter how badly you want to” to giving gifts or performing services". In the beginning, Caleb tries and fails. He complains to his dad, who tells him “It doesn't sound like you’re giving this enough effort.” I’m paraphrasing as the exact line escapes me. (I had similar comments from other Christians regarding the failure of my own marriage). As the days go on, his dad leads him to Christ, yet he still struggles. That’s realistic. I call the “come to Jesus and your life will get better and you’ll be rich” line Bait and Switch Evangelism. In this movie, it shows that it takes a lot of time, a lot of work, and a lot of prayer for healing to result. There is even a sequence to a song about “Waiting on you” which shows Caleb going about his routine of praying and working while his wife’s heart is affected.
I thought I enjoyed Fireproof at the time. I don't like when movies, songs, books, or whatnot are made by Christians and it's just assumed that we'll like them just because Christians made them.
One thing that I'll say used to help me through some rough spots in my marriage is hearing from somewhere that couples with problems who stuck it out for 5 years reported a happier marriage, although my situation is an exception to that. I also came to realize that it is totally unrealistic to expect to get along with somebody constantly. Just because you’re arguing doesn't mean that you can’t work things out. Love is not a feeling, it’s not hormonal, it’s a choice.
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Follow up, June 2013: Fireproof has become the bane of my existence. I have several good Christian friends I've met with for accountability over the years. They've known my situation, and none are surprised at what happened. They've been helping me.
Other Christians, who just found out about it, drive me nuts. They all seem to think their advice has never occurred to me. I've had Christians tell me "You have to fight for your marriage!" Right, why didn't anybody tell me that five years ago? Would have made all the difference. My favorite is "You need to pray!" Thanks, that never occurred to me either. Would have been so much simpler if you'd been around since I never thought of the basic tactics.
My least favorite advice is "You need to run the Love Dare on your wife! Go buy the book right now!" Uh, you know Fireproof was just a movie, right? And not even based on a true story? And Love Dare isn't a magic incantation.
I do have a copy of The Love Dare. It was useless in my situation. My ex-wife has seen the movie. We hosted a Fireproof small group in our house for a while.
After moving most of my stuff to Virginia, I unpacked my copy of The Love Dare the same day I found my Zippo lighters and lighter fluid. I thought I could put the three together and have some fun. I wanted to see flames dancing off The Love Dare. Maybe after the divorce is finalized, I'll ask a friend if I can borrow his fireplace. Maybe it will be cathartic. Oh, hell, LET'S BURN SOMETHING!
In the end, I don't mind Fireproof AS A STORY, although I have watched it as many times as I'm willing to in this life. I will never sit through it again.
I am horrified at the thought of Fireproof being used AS A TOOL. But I guess that fad has passed. Next time those brothers in Albany come out with a movie, watch out! Churchianity will find it's next "evangelistic" tool.
In September 2008, I was invited to a pre-screening of a movie called Fireproof by the Fellowship of Christian Firefighters. For those in evangelical churches, Fireproof quickly became a phenomenon. The church we were going to had showings of it, and we had Fireproof small groups (I led one for a while- I'm a trained small group leader).
Fireproof opens with a camera panning through what appears to be a little girls's room. No character's are shown, but the dialogue and the paraphernalia indicate that this girl is a firefighter's daughter. They discuss when daddy is coming home, and not tonight because he's working. She says that she wants to marry daddy, and the familiar discussion ensues. I can't say I saw that scene directly connected to the story again. I assumed that Kirk Cameron's character's wife was that little girl, but no mention of her dad having been a firefighter is brought up. Some people say it's their daughter at a point after the end of the movie.
A scene early on shows Kirk Cameron's character, Caleb Holt and his wife Catherine arguing. I wouldn't be surprised if the writers sat outside my window writing down notes because my ex-wife and I have traded many variations on those arguments. Catherine alludes to him looking at pornography on the Internet. He says that she doesn't respect him. A line I've used often is said by Caleb "I get respect everywhere I go except at home." I know that feeling well enough. Things reach a breaking point and divorce is brought up and agreed to.
The rest of the movie deals with the two characters and their interactions with others in their lives. The content is pretty much evangelical. Kirk Cameron is an evangelist with Living Waters Ministries. They teach an evangelism method called "The Way of the Master," which deals with showing a person how he or she stands before God by using the Ten Commandments. The dialog uses this method. Churchians eat it up, I guess because they never get past what the Apostle Paul calls "milk". They just keep listening to the basic Gospel over and over and over again, never growing.
The essence of this movie is about marriage. I must admit, most of the situations and characters seemed real. It also showed the difficulty of making a marriage work without serving (a Churchianity buzzword). I used to say at least one of the two MUST fight to make things work, but my own divorce proves that false. I fought for years to make it work and she fought against it working.
A comment another firefighter made to Caleb is "Fireproof doesn't mean that fire won't come. It just means that when it does come, you can withstand it." That is obviously where the title came from.
This movie obviously had no sexual innuendo or profanity. I didn't miss it. I'm no prude, but I'm tired of movies and sitcoms that throw that stuff in just to have it there. If it serves a point, fine, but just because it's on a major network at prime time doesn't mean it adds anything useful to the show.
Although I originally thought I identified with the main character, Caleb, and his situations, I had the thought while driving home after seeing it and arguing with my wife that perhaps this movie was too much centered on the husband’s faults and failures. It was alluded to that his wife didn't respect him and nagged him and didn't have sex with him, but it seemed to center more on his failures than hers. Perhaps it’s my own desires in play here, and from my own experience and comparing notes with other men, wives seem impervious to any suggestion that they may have done something wrong to contribute to marital problems anyway, so the portrayal in Fireproof could be accurate. Also, from the Churchian perspective, it shows that when Christ begins working through one person, that can have an effect on the other person.
The solution come through Caleb’s dad, who sends him a “40 day journey” called “The Love Dare.” Each day for 40 days involved a brief reading and an assignment, ranging from “Don’t say anything negative to your partner no matter how badly you want to” to giving gifts or performing services". In the beginning, Caleb tries and fails. He complains to his dad, who tells him “It doesn't sound like you’re giving this enough effort.” I’m paraphrasing as the exact line escapes me. (I had similar comments from other Christians regarding the failure of my own marriage). As the days go on, his dad leads him to Christ, yet he still struggles. That’s realistic. I call the “come to Jesus and your life will get better and you’ll be rich” line Bait and Switch Evangelism. In this movie, it shows that it takes a lot of time, a lot of work, and a lot of prayer for healing to result. There is even a sequence to a song about “Waiting on you” which shows Caleb going about his routine of praying and working while his wife’s heart is affected.
I thought I enjoyed Fireproof at the time. I don't like when movies, songs, books, or whatnot are made by Christians and it's just assumed that we'll like them just because Christians made them.
One thing that I'll say used to help me through some rough spots in my marriage is hearing from somewhere that couples with problems who stuck it out for 5 years reported a happier marriage, although my situation is an exception to that. I also came to realize that it is totally unrealistic to expect to get along with somebody constantly. Just because you’re arguing doesn't mean that you can’t work things out. Love is not a feeling, it’s not hormonal, it’s a choice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Follow up, June 2013: Fireproof has become the bane of my existence. I have several good Christian friends I've met with for accountability over the years. They've known my situation, and none are surprised at what happened. They've been helping me.
Other Christians, who just found out about it, drive me nuts. They all seem to think their advice has never occurred to me. I've had Christians tell me "You have to fight for your marriage!" Right, why didn't anybody tell me that five years ago? Would have made all the difference. My favorite is "You need to pray!" Thanks, that never occurred to me either. Would have been so much simpler if you'd been around since I never thought of the basic tactics.
My least favorite advice is "You need to run the Love Dare on your wife! Go buy the book right now!" Uh, you know Fireproof was just a movie, right? And not even based on a true story? And Love Dare isn't a magic incantation.
I do have a copy of The Love Dare. It was useless in my situation. My ex-wife has seen the movie. We hosted a Fireproof small group in our house for a while.
After moving most of my stuff to Virginia, I unpacked my copy of The Love Dare the same day I found my Zippo lighters and lighter fluid. I thought I could put the three together and have some fun. I wanted to see flames dancing off The Love Dare. Maybe after the divorce is finalized, I'll ask a friend if I can borrow his fireplace. Maybe it will be cathartic. Oh, hell, LET'S BURN SOMETHING!
In the end, I don't mind Fireproof AS A STORY, although I have watched it as many times as I'm willing to in this life. I will never sit through it again.
I am horrified at the thought of Fireproof being used AS A TOOL. But I guess that fad has passed. Next time those brothers in Albany come out with a movie, watch out! Churchianity will find it's next "evangelistic" tool.
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