Seth Godin had an interesting post on anxiety this morning. I'll just quote the whole thing here, because it's really short:
Anxiety is nothing...
but repeatedly re-experiencing failure in advance. What a waste.
Seth is right.
I'm living under a crushing anxiety right now. It's making my insides hurt. It's pretty bad. I'll be honest and say that I'm not far from calling the doctor. I don't know what he could actually do about it.
But Seth's blog post added some perspective. That's what I was going to write about today. I might post on that later. I haven't failed yet. Failure is coming, but it's not here yet. I'm experiencing it in advance over and over ever minute of the day.
I guess I should stop though. It's definitely not getting me anywhere. But how do you stop being anxious?
18 comments:
Feel the fear and do it anyway. I had a friend point out to me not long ago another way of looking at it. What is the worst thing that could happen if you fail? If you can be ok with the worst case scenario, then move through the fear and take a chance on success.
That is a million dollar question for people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. You can't control it and you can't determine what is making you anxious.
Thank god for SSRI's that help with it.
Jennifer's got it. yeah, feel the fear and soak it up. I say breathe. I answer that to any of the negative feelings, just breathe–that and feel the fear.
What's required is rehearsing the opposite thought: not what's the worst that could happen, but what's the best. Our brains really do respond and change chemistry with those thoughts. That has the power to change outcomes too. Science has discovered and measured what the spiritual folk have claimed all along. Breathing is also important. Best wishes to you, Philosopher. Your response to anxiety is the ultimate challenge to the status quo. (I am going through the same thing myself, and breathing real slow and deep.)
I find the following very useful and poignant. Charlie Chaplin penned this on the day of his 70th birthday:
As I Began to Love Myself
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is "AUTHENTICITY".
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it "RESPECT".
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it "MATURITY".
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it "SELF-CONFIDENCE".
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it "SIMPLICITY".
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health -
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is "LOVE OF ONESELF".
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is "MODESTY".
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it "FULFILLMENT".
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection "WISDOM OF THE HEART".
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know "THAT IS LIFE"!
Fear and anxiety have a lot to do with the ancient part of our brains called "the reptilian or lizard brain." It is a defense mechanism for survival. It's our body saying "This is too much for me. Stop. Let me rest." But it comes from a part of our bodies, a part of our brains, that lived in ancient, long-ago times ... times that were certainly not like the change-by-the-moment times we live in today.
What has helped me enormously to understand this phenomena and learn to work with it is the book "One Small Step Can Change Your Life the Kaizen Way," by Robert Maurer. You can get it on amazon.com
The key to warding off fear and anxiety, says Maurer, is to take small, imperceptible baby steps towards your goal. These tiny, tiny steps are critical because they allow the human being to move forward in his or her goals WITHOUT WAKING UP THE REPTILIAN BRAIN.
It is fast and furious movement that startles the reptilian brain and when it is awakened, it roars for us to stop, causing much of the anxiety we experience. The anxiety is the reptilian brain's way of putting on the breaks so he it can go back to sleep.
The interesting thing is that, the baby steps actually are laying down a neurological path in the brain that will move you towards and eventually accomplish your goals. When you take this approach, the reptile sleeps, you get to where you need to be without undue anxiety.
Sounds simple, and in a way it has to be. Otherwise the reptilian brain would wake up screaming "STOP!"
Anyway, this approach works for me. Really, really well. Whenever my own anxiety rears its ugly head, I gently tell it to go back to sleep, then tiptoe my way to success.
Hope this helps.
Thanks, everyone.
The anxiety I'm facing had a very specific cause, and a seemingly simple solution. I've known for a while that the road is running out for my job. I've been looking for another for quite some time, with no results.
I found out today that my job is in fact coming to an end. I should know when on Monday, so I've got today and at least a day and a half on payroll.
Amazingly enough, that eased my anxiety somewhat. The certainty that I will soon be unemployed is actually more comforting than the uncertainty that I might soon be unemployed.
At least I have a timeframe to go on.
Good luck Eric. I feel your pain and mine too! It's OK and you will find a way since you are looking for it.
Thanks for your very honest post. Last Christmas as our busy was failing, we were at risk of losing our house along with all of our other stuff and my wife just started her second job in as many months.
She has always been prone to depression and anxiety and as you can imagine this was a bit more than she was able to handle. as a result she had a massive anxiety attack and ended up in the hospital. She just could not see any way forward and was completely paralyzed with anxiety and fear.
In the short term she got help in the form of medication that helped her to get beyond the debilitating fear and take small steps forward. Now a little over year later she is the funny, fun loving amazing women that I married 17 years ago. She still has her job and is doing an amazing job. She still struggles off and on with anxiety and she still takes something to help manage her depression. Somehow we managed to keep the lights on at our business and it is showing signs of life. We've got our house on the market and we've sold our cottage.
The point of my story is lot's of people deal with anxiety... you can't usually do it on your own... There is always hope!!! Life moves fast, to fast maybe, but that also means that whatever it is that has you paralyzed is moving to a conclusion and maybe not the one you anticipate.
Hope, Faith and Love, the rest is just stuff.
Anxiety is in the future. All we have is now. Nobody has the next minute, day, week, month or year. When you identify what you are anxious you've at least gotten control over it. The next thing is to ask yourself is there anything I can do about it now? You may or may not have control over it. But you can empower yourself, acknowledge it and then it go and remind yourself "all I have is now" and also know that by worrying or panicking about it is only hurting your health. We do have more control than we think.
Fear is pain in the future, pain that is anticipated.
Anger is pain in the past, pain that is held onto.
Feel the the pain once, in the present, as it happens. Don't give it more power than it deserves. You only have time for now.
Love Seth, but sometimes he's wrong and this is one of those times.
Feel the love of someone you love, brother.
Here are a few things that I try to do ...
1. Eat well - fresh, healthy food, lots of water, cut out as much processed food as you possibly can
2. Exercise and activity - a good long walk in the bush is my preference
3. Sleep and rest are really important
4. Laugh out loud as much as possible
5. Think about how lucky you are to have choice in your life (this one always pulls me up)
6. To get started - write anything that comes into your head to get the juices flowing..
7. Meditate
It's the middle of the night and I'm up with tons of anxiety. I have so much trouble staying in the moment and am always anticipating what will happen. I work in a very stressful job joggling lots of projects. I'm always making mistakes that I have to go back and correct. Maybe others do the same, but it always feels like I make more than usual, even though I try to be so careful. Often they're the same mistakes over and over again.
Everyone seems to be so good at "spinning" how great they are doing, while I'm just waiting to get caught in my mistakes. The bottom line is I'm a very competitive person and I have trouble keeping up.
The fact of the matter is nothing ever really happens when I make the mistakes, but the idea of having to admit them fills me with total fear. I fall back into being a little girl again and being caught for doing something wrong or bad. This is why I'm not sleeping tonight, because I found a bit mistake when writing a final report and I have to tell my boss on Monday.
So here are the things I tell myself:
Somehow it will all work out
You are a powerful woman
Just try to do a better job next time
If you win 51%, you've won
No one has told me I'm doing a bad job
Thanks for letting me share.
Jane, thank you for sharing.
One of the things I like most about blogs is the ability to share and comment on other people's thoughts. It's amazing how, when we're willing to open up, we find out that almost everybody else is facing the same thing.
I can spin how I'm doing with the best of them. "Oh, yeah, it's going pretty good" I told a casual acquaintance at that office after I heard that I had to leave.
I seemed to make more mistakes that others in my last job. I'm planning to keep that in mind while I look for another one.
Anxiety is hell on earth. Got to be something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I agree with Ilhan - The Linden Method - saved me from my demons.
Stay Strong X
Oh and Green Tea - 5 cups a day really chills you out. It's worth a go. x
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