Monday, October 06, 2014

Marketing Terms I Can't Believe People Still Fall For

A brief glance at my junk mail inspired this post.

Final Notice


A green, postcard size piece of card stock. It even has the text on the address side "WARNING $2000 FINE, 5 YEARS IMPRISONMENT..." and all kinds of other bad stuff "FOR OBSTRUCTING DELIVERY OF THIS LETTER". That's too bad. Obstructing delivery of this crap would be doing me a favor.

On the back, it says I've been selected for a credit card hardship program. Right. More like targeted. I have one credit card at 7.9% APR. I've never seen a better rate; not even from the same credit union I've had that card with since 1994. Oh, sure I can get 0% for six months, then it goes up to 20%. I reject this for the same reason I object Comcast's "Get all our stuff for $79 for a year (with a two year contract.)!" I'm not taking a special rate just to get locked into a worse one later.

Back to the junk mail. So let me get this straight: This is my FINAL NOTICE, that I will NEVER AGAIN get an offer to refinance my 7.9% APR Visa card at 30%?

If only. I get 3-5 of these a week. I wish just one of them would be honest that this is the final notice I will ever get about this crap.

ACCOUNT INFORMATION ENCLOSED - RESPONSE REQUESTED


Of course. It's in one of those 3 sided perforated envelopes you'd get a check in, but it's not in the shape of a check so I know it's bullshit. But rather than ripping it up and throwing it away, I'll open it so I can rant about it.

This one is for some debt negotiation service. No thanks. Their rates would be far higher than anything I'm currently paying.

I wish they'd just rip these things up on their end and throw them away. Now I have to walk to the trash can, which really isn't worth the effort for this junk mail crap.

You will never see this offer again!


This one tends to come through email. I get it all the time, from the same people. And yet, within less than a week, I'm told I will never again see the same offer I was told I'd never again see last week.

Do people seriously believe and fall for this crap? I guess they must. If there was no money in it, nobody would do it.
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