Wednesday, December 24, 2014

How To Behave When You Encounter Somebody With A Name With An Obvious Insult Or Pop Culture Reference

You keep your damn mouth shut. You're not smart enough to be the first person to ever make that connection, and they're probably sick of hearing it.

I have a last name that is forever cemented into a connection with Ferris Bueller's Day Off, specifically Ben Stein's monotone repetition of it.

And yet everywhere I go, I deal with it. As soon as I give my name, some wise-ass goes off with "Bueller, Bueller".

A couple of weeks ago it backfired on somebody. I had to visit another office to get something taken care of, and I guess I got a little intense about it. Bad time to interrupt me. I was asked my name so the person helping me could access the database, and some fat guy sitting in a cubicle decides to launch into "Bueller, Bueller". As I said, I was a little intense about getting my issue taken care of, and he broke my concentration. Before I could stop my own mouth, I blurted out:

"You must be a freaking genius! That movie came out in 1985, and you're the first person in 30 years to make that connection!"

He turned his head and went back to work. I guess I hurt his feelings. I don't care. I've been dealing with that since the 6th grade.

See, it's one thing if you know somebody and have a relationship with them. A coworker of mine has a French last name, which I tease him about incessantly. But we've built a relationship, trust, respect and all that. I sure as hell didn't tease him about his French last name on his first day of work.

If you don't have a relationship with someone, just keep your mouth shut. Nobody wants to hear it. You're not funny. You're an idiot.


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