Sunday, July 28, 2013

Online Dating Update: Nothing Is Happening

I wrote a post a while back about online dating. I thought it was time for a quick update. Or at least a "low hanging fruit" type of blog post.

I currently have profiles on Christian Mingle, OK Cupid, and Zoosk. Everything on Zoosk wants me to spend money. I should just take that one down for all the good it's doing.

Christian Mingle seems inhabited by bots. I've had a few girls send me "smiles". I tried to exchange messages with one, but after the 3rd time she asked me for my birthday, I figured I'm dealing with a computer, not a person. If it is a person, she's too disorganized for any further contact.

One girl has sent me four "smiles", which seem meaningless. They don't actually say anything, and give no context in which to reply back. In her profile picture, she looks pissed off, which is hardly inviting. It also says she's 30, but from her picture I don't think she's 30, and if you can't start a relationship by being honest about something like your freaking age, what else do you plan to lie about? No thanks.

I came across a profile of a girl on OK Cupid from much farther away from me, which was such a close match I might as well move. I looked at the matches from around here, and none gave me hope. In the rare times when I browse OK Cupid, I look at the questions. I've answered close to 1900 of them, so I compare what the women answered. I look at questions like "How is your sex drive". Anything that says "below average", I look no further. I have no wish to repeat certain aspects of my failed marriage.

Another question, "Are you cuddly?" Some women actually answer "no". Forget that. My ex wouldn't even sit next to me on the couch within two years of our 12 year marriage. I'm not even starting a first date with that kind of warning flag.

Again, I don't have any hopes that the online dating will get me anywhere. Sometimes it's fun to look though.

And girls, seriously, when you say "I'm a strong, independent woman" in your profile, most of us read "AVOID: SERIOUS BITCH! RED ALERT, RED ALERT!"

And the line "Must be able to handle me!", please keep in mind, there is a difference between being ABLE to handle you and WANTING to handle you. Chances are, even if I am able to handle you, life is too short. Just go on being "strong" and "independent" and not dating me.

The "strong" and "independent" probably mean something different to girls. To men, again, it means serious bitch. To you it means something different. When I read it, it's kind of like when men send women pictures of their dongs (which I would NEVER do). The guy for some reason think it should work. Girls for some reason think calling themselves "strong, independent" works, but it doesn't. 
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