Sunday, June 02, 2013

How A Man Should Categorize People

The late pseudonym personality Edward Thatch wrote a great post on Return of Kings a while back. My thoughts on the post have been fermenting and I think I'm finally ready to write about it. The original post is called "The Harem, The Tribe, and The Pride".

Most people seem to think you should care about everybody. This is impractical. I'm coming to believe it's best to work within your own spheres of influence rather than trying to look like you care about the rest of the world.

I recently had to retool my Facebook lists. I've always had a problem with being too open, and I used to post everything publicly. Then I pulled back from that and set to post to friends. But I realized my soon to be ex-wife had somebody spying on me on Facebook I don't know who it is, but there is somebody on Facebook I can't trust. I went on a little "fishing expedition" a while back by posting some information designed to trigger feedback from the soon-to-be-ex, but restricting one or two people from seeing the post. Because of this, I now have people who will fit into a category I wish I didn't have: people I need to consider enemies; people who are actively working against my interests and cannot be trusted. Unfortunately, I now have about four or five people in that category. I've already blocked two people from my friends feed (unfriending them would be too obvious), and I still don't know who the spy is. Although the divorce is what she wants, the fact that she can't see how sick this is makes me think I'm probably safer away from her.

I recently went back and reread Thatch's post. Thatch suggests that a man should ruthlessly judge and place the people within his spheres of influence into three groups. I'd say categories or circles, but you get the point. The three he gives are The Harem, The Tribe, and The Pride.

The Harem
Anything goes. These are the women who serve as your playthings. There is no honor, loyalty, or trust among any members of the harem. It is a loosely managed and dynamic group designed to yield as much pleasure for as little investment as possible.
Having been married, I can't quite yet manage a harem the way Thatch suggests, but my interpretation and application of this is, these are people you don't really owe anything to. They provide some fun and entertainment, but can be replaced or kicked out at any time or for any reason.

The Tribe
The tribe is comprised of those with whom you’ve formed a symbiotic relationship. This would include your LTR girlfriend, most of your friends, all of your acquaintances, your coworkers, and your boss. Here, honesty and integrity are tools to be used only when they meet one of two criteria: 1) They benefit you and the other party, or 2) They benefit you and not the other party.
The tribe can vote you off the reservation without reason or notice, so shrewdness is a must. Match kindness with kindness, but when there’s a conflict, never let your enemy live to fight another day. If your girlfriend crosses the line, show her the door and find her replacement. If a friend cockblocks you, delete his number and never speak him again. If a coworker criticizes you and interferes with your ability to earn a living, summon the demons of hell and ask their guidance on how to undermine his career and send him to the unemployment line.
The tribe must be a supportive culture, or else it has no value. Everyone in the tribe must pull his weight and contribute, and you must contribute to earn your place as well. Play fair in a fair game, cheat the cheaters, give only as good as you get, eschew loyalty and join a new tribe when it’s necessary for your survival, and apologize for nothing.
Most people you know and interact with frequently are in your tribe. I like this application. I have a pretty good sized tribe, including the team I work with.

The Pride

The pride consists of those who look to you for leadership and protection and who deserve your leadership and protection. Depending on your situation, this may include your immediate family, your children, a good wife, and that very small group of friends you know for certain would have your back no matter what.

In the pride, there is forgiveness and understanding. In the pride, a man’s word is his bond. In the pride, a man makes sacrifices which are recognized and respected. The pride is fiercely defended and never compromised; a true inner sanctum and Holy of Holies where a man communes with his family. Everything that is good for the man is good for the pride, and everything that is good for the pride is good for the man. All blessings and all worthwhile sacrifice comes from the pride.
The pride is a VERY small group. But this group deserves everything a man has to offer.

After I got out of the Navy in 1998, I broke my arm on the job. My friend was still in the Navy, and the next day was his duty day. He showed up on the ship, told them his friend was in the hospital and he was going to go there. They could figure out the details of his duty day and who would replace him on watch. Then he left. This action could have resulted in disciplinary action. But he took the risk, sat in the hospital with me until I was discharged, drove me to get my prescriptions and then home, then went to pick up my car from the job site and bring it back. That is pride behavior. That is a man worthy of another man's complete loyalty and sacrifice.

I used this model in constructing my new Facebook lists. And I've been using it to evaluate the people around me and the relationships I have. My pride is a lot smaller than I thought; basically my children and two really good friends. I have a decent sized tribe, and no harem.

There is one social situation I'm in occasionally where I'm in a room with a member of my pride, several members of my tribe, and two people who do not fit into my groups. Nor do I want them in my groups.

Thatch closes with this:

Judge ruthlessly, audit continually, and reassign people to one of the three groups when circumstances dictate. Slap a big label on everyone you meet – basically do the total opposite of what feminist society and manginas tell you to do. Their goal is for you to never learn lessons so that you’ll meet each and every one of them with an open mind, open heart, open arms, and an open wallet. They cannot perform their parasitic function without a willful host, and any rational thought you put in to managing your own life or determining who should benefit from your efforts is a tremendous threat to their social machine.

Say no without apology, push back without reservation, and determine for yourself who belongs in your harem, your tribe and your pride.

Keep this in mind. I wrote a post a while back linking an article about things you should be doing to prepare for the economic collapse. In it, I commented on the final rule of "Keep your prepping to yourself":

Inevitably, some poor starving idiot who scoffed at you is going to show up at your door begging. He'll probably tell other people "Hey, that guy prepped! Lets go to him!"
In which case, you would be in the right to say "Screw you. I saw it coming, and I did the work to preserve myself and my family while you watched Real Housewives and scoffed at people like me, calling us nutjobs. Find your own food."
That is a case where you should keep the Harem, the Tribe, and the Pride in mind.

Of course, this is a new concept for me. I'm slowly learning. I even have a hard time remembering my soon to be ex wife does not fit into this model. She is outside of it. She has taken on an adversarial role against me. I owe her nothing more than fair and ethical business dealings. That's it. 

Also, if you're a blue pill parrot and uncomfortable with the concept of "judging" people, I explored that about three years ago here.

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